The T-Rex’s preference for the sweet, clap-ridden flesh of the wicked aside, the fact that carbon dating roundly proves that humans and dinosaurs roamed the Earth millions of years apart. Want more proof? Well, nobody has ever found the bones of a hapless cave man who for all we know, may have pissed God off by coveting his neighbor’s rock collection or something, inside a fossilized Tyrannosaurus.

Rawr!

We went for a laugh, and in a lot of ways got exactly what we expected. There were a lot of modestly dressed Southern Baptist families pouring out of 15 passenger vans. There were dinosaur statues, dioramas of Adam and Eve interacting with a velociraptor and of course, a whole room filled with pictures showing us doing all the things we do these days to secure our place in hell, including, apparently, playing video games.

Then again, there were a lot of things I didn’t expect. For one, there was a noticeable absence of anything to do with Jesus, Moses or any Bible story besides the creation and the great flood. The idea being that they don’t want us to think they’re just a bunch of anti-science nutjobs. It wasn’t long ago, after all, that many of these same folks were telling us that dinosaurs never existed, but instead that fossils were placed in the ground by the devil to test our faith.

So here is a quick list of the “science” we learned at the Creation Museum:

- The Earth is only 5,000 years old.

- The Earth was flat until the great flood, the raging waters of which created the Grand Canyon, mountains, rivers, etc.

- Noah took two of everything on the Ark, including dinosaurs (an animatronic Noah told us so.)

- Dinosaurs are the same thing as dragons (also according to robot Noah.)

- Until Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden, all animals were vegetarians and lived happily together.

- After Adam and Eve discovered their love of applesauce, the animals started feasting on each other.

- Tyrannosaurus Rex had a diet that consisted of leafy vegetation and the flesh of sinners (seriously.)

- Cancer and other diseases didn’t exist while Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden.

- Once the Earth dried up and all the animals left the ark, some floated across the oceans on trees that had uprooted during the flood. The “raft theory,” explains how all the wild turkeys and koalas and anacondas from Noah’s large wooden boat could make their way from the top of a mountain in Turkey to Argentina and Australia and Michigan.

Check out a slideshow from the Creation Museum here.

Of course this was all hidden behind a thin veil of “science.” These folks don’t dispute intra-species evolution, it’s the whole humans evolving from monkeys thing that they have a problem with. It blows their mind that something so complex as humans could come from something as simple as a single-cell organism. God put everyone and everything on this planet for a purpose, they argue, after which Adam flopped around the Garden of Eden pointing and shouting “Elephant, nectarine, duck-billed platypus!”

To take it a step further, their theology/pseudo-science jumble includes natural selection and helps them explain away the extinction of the dinosaurs.

I can only imagine that some of them are really bummed out about dinosaurs going extinct. If they were still alive, we could just turn them loose in Afghanistan and win this war once and for all. Hell, while we’re at it, why don’t we just let some eat up all those heathen, atheist, liberal elites up in New York and Boston. I wonder if we could train them to go after just Democrats. Hurry, someone call Steven Speilberg, I’ve got a great idea for a Jurassic Park sequel. I’ll bet we could get Kirk Cameron to star in it.

But I digress.

The fact of the matter is, I think this was all just a silly, ill-conceived way to explain away how many proven scientific theories conflict with stories told in the Bible. Then again, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs (unless you’re Muslim and want to build a religious building in New York.) In that spirit, on the way in to the parking lot, we even set some ground rules so as not to offend. My favorite was a ban on t he word “actually.”

Now, I knew we were on their turf, but when the displays started talking about all the hatred and violence that has come as a result of people’s belief in and teaching of evolution, I must admit that I got a little angry. The worst one was a video that strongly insinuated that World War I was not only started by the Germans, but that it was done because of the German governments decision to teach evolution to its schoolchildren.

In trying to cram their religious ideology into a modern scientific construct, the museum curators displayed a blatant disregard for historical accuracy. World War I was started by evolutionists in Germany and the Scopes-Monkey Trial set off the Great Depression were just two of the lessons they told. It seems the Texas State Board of Education aren’t the only people who don’t want history and science to get in the way of their narrative.

What makes it worse is that the people who gobble this stuff up not only believe it, but are so violently opposed to anything that falls outside of the belief system dictated to them by people like the museum founders that they will fight anyone who disagrees tooth and nail, regardless of the preponderance of evidence that contradicts it all.

In the end, we got out of it what we thought we would, and we had a good time. It was an amusing and frightening place.

So there I was, daydreaming, driving the same route I’d driven every day for the past three weeks when I saw the most beautiful view. There it all was, the harbor, the rocks, the Atlantic ocean. Why had I not noticed this before? Well, because this was the first time in three weeks that I’d seen the sun. It was the first time in three weeks that the fog had lifted to the point where I could see for more than 50 yards in any direction.

Later that afternoon, after the sun went away, I was walking to lunch with one of the locals and talking about the depressing, gray weather.

“This is actually a pretty nice day for Newfoundland,” he said. “It’s not raining.”

I should mention, this was a man who’d moved to Newfoundland from California. It seems the fog had eaten his soul and crushed his spirit.

Newfoundland protip #1: Newfie is not the preferred nomenclature, it’s Newfoundlander, please. According to locals, Newfie is the “n-word” up there. It’s all right for them to use it, but for an outsider, it’s considered derogatory.

There’s more to Newfoundland than the weather. If you ever make it there, there is some pretty good food. Find a fish and chips shop and get some fresh cod. Be sure to ask before you order whether it is fresh that day or frozen. It’s harder to find the fresh stuff in the winter, but if you hunt, you’ll find it.

There are plenty of great restaurants in downtown St. John’s, but if you can only hit one, get to the Yellow Belly brewery. The spare ribs are unbelievable and most nights you can find good, local music.

Newfoundland protip #2: Newfoundlanders like to mess with tourists. If something sounds outrageous, be skeptical.

Much like the U.S., cultural norms vary widely from region to region. Newfoundland exemplifies this with their outrageous accents and bizarre cuisine. Don’t be fooled, cod tongues and cheeks (both of which you can get at many restaurants.) Also, if you’re at a bar down on George Street and someone offers to make you an honorary Newfoundlander, graciously decline, unless of course you enjoy cheap rum and kissing dead fish.

That’s right, their ceremony, which is performed at a few bars in St. John’s, involves kissing a cod on the lips, drinking a shot of Newfoundland Screech (rum) and reciting the phrase Indeed I is a Newfoundlander, my old cocky. Long may your long jib draw.

Personally, I had no interest in becoming an honorary Newfoundlander, but I did try the Screech. I can see why Newfoundlanders like it, the burn of the cheap rum washes away the lingering aftertaste of cod tongue.

Newfoundland protip #3: Don’t waste time on paying to see attractions like the Rooms. St. John’s biggest museum is also it’s biggest waste of money. Why spend your time inside anyway, when, in spite of the gray skies, there is so much to see.

Do be sure to go see the Battery. The colorful neighborhood literally hangs off the sides of the cliff overlooking St. John’s Harbour.

Also be sure to check out the basilica of St. John the Baptist and Point Spear, the furthest point east in North America.

Finally, if you’re really bored, you’ve seen it all in St. John’s, take a drive around some of the small towns that line the coast. I’m a huge Red Wings fan, so I made a pilgrimage to Harbour Grace, home of the only Newfoundlander to ever win the Stanley Cup, Detroit Red Wing Dan Cleary. On the trip out, we came across a few fascinating shipwrecks and some beautiful fishing villages.

Newfoundland protip #4: Drive cautiously and watch where you park.

The roads in St. John’s are brutal. A combination of people leaving their studded snow tires on too long and the snow plows literally scraping off the top level of the blacktop each winter and with it, makes for terrible roads and awful drivers. Without wasting too much time on it, let me just share a little story.

It was my last day in St. John’s and I was supposed to spend it relaxing. I got an emergency call from work and had to go in, suffice it to say, I was not pleased.

So as I was pulling in to the mall parking lot I thought I’d found a perfect spot, right near the newspaper’s door, only to find a man sitting in his car, which he’d parked crooked as all hell taking up two spots. As I rolled by I started yelling and swearing as only an American with a sense of entitlement can.

As I walked to the door from my spot down the road, I saw the guy straightening his car out so that he was parked properly, being polite, as only a frightened Canadian can.

For more pictures of St. John’s, Newfoundland, check out my photo gallery on Flickr.

Ponca City

Now, to be fair, when I say “rural Oklahoma” I mean by the standards of any of us who don’t live in a town whose tallest building is a grain elevator. By Oklahoma standards, however, Ponca City (pop. 25k) is downright cosmopolitan. They’ve got a daily newspaper, a Wal Mart and two Sonic drive-ins.

There’s not much more to be said about the town except that apparently, it used to be kind of a big deal. That, of course, was after they literally stole the railroad from a rival town. Ponca, as they call it here (because saying those extra two syllables is just too too much,) was a major player in the early days of the oil industry in Oklahoma, and corporate headquarters to Conoco for many years.

Because of that, this town is rife with huge homes, many of which are rightfully called mansions. The biggest of all is the Marland Mansion. In all seriousness, it’s more like a freaking castle.

All kidding aside, there are actually a few other attractions in this town worth seeing. There’s the Conoco museum, a moto-cross track and the Pioneer Woman statue and museum. Also, take a few minutes and drive by the Conoco refinery on the edge of town. If you’re going to spend time here, you may as well get a look at what makes the town smell funny.

Oklahoma Pro-tip #1: If you’re in this or any other small town in Oklahoma, the best restaurant is more than likely in a pole barn. In Ponca City, that restaurant is Head Country BBQ. It’s cafeteria-style and you eat off of styrofoam plates, but the ribs are un-freaking-believable.

Hugo: Circus City
When you think of the circus, you probably don’t think of southeastern Oklahoma, but Hugo (pop. 5,500, 6,500 on a Friday night in the fall when the local high school football team is playing) is the winter camp for several of them.

Driving around the east side of town, you can see the trucks, trailers and if you’re really lucky, Lobster Boy or the Bearded Lady. If you have trouble finding it, just drive towards the smell of the paper mill and away from the smell of the stockyards. I guess I could have said drive towards the elephant smell, but honestly, who knows what elephants smell like? Do you? Could you distinguish between them and the stockyards? I thought not.

While driving around, you can also check out the elephant sanctuary on the edge of town. The Endangered Ark Foundation, founded by the Kelly Miller Circus, aims to provide a safe place for circus elephants to retire as well as help to breed the next generation of Asian elephants in the United States.

Perhaps the most fascinating thing about the town is the cemetery that features a section reserved for the circus folk called, Showman’s Rest. There are many headstones shaped like elephants and circus tents, as well as many engraved with pictures of acrobats and ringleaders. You can view a photo gallery here.

If you’re looking for a place to eat, there’s a pole barn north of town called Fishtail’s that serves five different kinds of fried fish as well as the best fried corn you’ve ever had. Tell them you’re from out of town and they might hang a sign on the wall with your town’s name.

Oh, and while you’re down there, you may as well take a 20 minute drive south to Paris, Texas to see the mini-Eiffel Tower with a cowboy hat on top, because honestly, when are you ever going to be down here again? You may as well take it all in.

Hugo is a lovely town. I lived there for eight months and enjoyed it immensely. Coming from the north, moving to a town that prides itself on being part of “Little Dixie” was quite an adjustment.

There was the mutton busting, which is rodeo for youngsters in which they put children on the back of a sheep and let them try to ride it like a bull. Then there was the day time hooker who lived a few doors down from me. I’ll never forget the time she hauled her air mattress across the parking lot and asked me to blow it up for her with my air compressor. I soaked my entire apartment in bleach after having that thing in there.

Of course, one of my favorite things about that town was the Christmas parade during which Santa would ride down the street on the back of an elephant.

Oklahoma Pro-tip #2: Don’t be surprised when you drink beer all day (as I did with my friends on my first weekend living in Hugo) and don’t get drunk. Nearly half of Oklahoma’s 77 counties — including Hugo’s Choctaw county — are technically dry, not allowing “liquor by the drink” in bars. Instead, the bars, gas stations and grocery stores sell beer that is 3.2 percent alcohol, far less than in most other states. For liquor or real beer, hit the state store early and find a joint that allows BYOB. There are many such places out there in Oklahoma and Texas, including some strip clubs!

Oklahoma City
There are plenty of things to see in Oklahoma City. Definitely make time to see the Oklahoma City Memorial National Monument. Set in the footprint of the Murrah Federal Building, the monument is very beautiful and touching. It’s a wonderful tribute to the tragedy that occurred there in 1995.

The reflecting pool occupies the space where a road once ran and where Tim McVeigh parked his Ryder truck bomb. The field of empty chairs features one chair sculpture for each victim of the bombing. I know it’s kind of a writer’s cop-out to say this, but words can’t do the monument justice, it truly should be seen by everyone.

If you’ve worked up an appetite from all the sightseeing, follow the smell over to Stockyard City. I pulled up a list of local attractions and followed the directions with no idea what I was going to see. Turns out Stockyard City is exactly what it sounds like, a bunch of stockyards.

Alongside the stockyards are all kinds of tack shops, a theater and one of the best steakhouses you’ll ever visit.

The specialty at Cattlemen’s Steakhouse is the Presidential T-bone, the personal choice of President Bush and honestly the most delicious steak I’ve ever eaten. The service was great, the food was amazing. Heck, even the house dressing on the side salad was wonderful. All this, and it wasn’t even in a pole barn!

Oklahoma pro-tip #3: If you’ve had too much soda during lunch and need to stop at a truck stop to relieve yourself on the way back to your hotel, always knock on the door as you enter the restroom. If you don’t, you could end up interrupting a couple having a little afternoon delight. Welcome to Oklahoma! Meth is a hell of a drug.

It was a lazy day.  Woke up, did some Farmtown farming, chatted with cousin Alice, went to breakfast with cousin Bryan then the mall with cousin Kyle.  No birthday cake this year, but the company was great.

We had a great time Saturday in Sedona and Sunday at Grand Canyon.  Monday we started the drive home to Michigan.  Seeing as it took us 10 days to get from Michigan to California, we set a goal to get back to Michigan in 7 days.

Weather permitting, we will be in Michigan Friday and back to our own homes Saturday.  How is this possible? 

We drove from Flagstaff, AZ to Fort Smith, AR on Tuesday – and enjoyed a great dinner with cousin Mitch and his girlfriend Laura. 

We drove from Fort Smith to Bowling Green, KY today.  This leaves us with two more driving legs – Bowling Green to Grand Rapids and Grand Rapids to metro Detroit.

The weather reports say a big snow storm is coming across tonight.  Who knows what we’ll wake up to…

Mitch's Cat

We went to Knott’s Berry Farm in Anaheim today.  Weather man predicted 20% chance of rain, which in SoCal terms usually means a little drizzle and then clear (maybe cloudy) skies.

But we had drizzle all day!

While Cathi braved the weather and the roller coasters with Cathy’s cousins, Cathy went into the Charles M. Schulz Theater to dry off and enjoy a performance of Snoopy’s Cool Christmas (an ice show).  Thankfully, the rain did go away and the roller coasters resumed running.  The Silver Bullet has our vote!

Thank you to everyone who has been sending birthday wishes.  In my “home” timezone it is after midnight but here in SoCal, I have to wait a bit before declaring myself another year older.

Good Night All!

For Cathi, it was a nice quiet trip to the country, complete with horses.  For Cathy, it was like Christmas morning, out in Jan’s backyard assembling her new compost bin that has tons of rivets.  I was inclined me to call it the round Borg ship.  Hopefully this will help Jan make good fertilizer for her flower beds.  And speaking of flowers, we helped plant flowers at her church.   :)

If you havent been to Griffith Observatory, you should put it on your list.  It’s free and has a lot of information on space, and a great view of L.A. and the Hollywood sign.

Of course, we HAD to drive down Rodeo Drive to see what all the hype is about in sooooo many movies.  Still not sure what the hype is about, but it was clean and looked expensive.

Cathi and I love to cook so we “catered” Christmas dinner for Michelle, her kids, grandkids, and Uncle John.  We had honeybaked ham, cheesy potatoes, green bean casserole, apple pie, chocolate chip cookies, brownies, chocolate silk pie, egg nog, and salad.  I think we had at least 4 invitations to move in!  

Yesterday we went to the LA Botanical Garden in Arcadia. It was great to see roses, irises, and daisies in bloom – in December!  There was also a waterfall, a couple ponds, really tall bamboo, and a variety of cacti.  It was a great day for a walk around the gardens.

Waterfall at Botanical Garden

The garden cafe is not open on Monday but some great volunteers in the gift shop pointed us to the food court at the mall across the steet.  I recommend the Grilled Cajun sandwich at ChickeNow.  And the chocolate caramels from the store kitty-corner to it.  On the topic of kitties, there is also a Hello Kitty store – all Hello Kitty, all the time!

Hellloooo Kitty!

It was also Uncle John’s birthday yesterday so Cathi decided to treat him to a homecooked lasagna.  Remember those Christmas cooking recipe jokes about taking a swig of alcohol while cooking?  Cathi tried that last night and is sleeping it off today.  Sorry, shouldn’t share details here, but feel free to ask.   lol

We haven’t decided what we’re doing for my birthday (aka New Year’s Eve) yet.  But we are planning to start the trek home on January 1.  First stop will be Scottsdale, AZ so Cathi can meet her boyfriend’s mom.  Think she’ll be nervous??

Big Bear Lake

Hello Fans!    And Hello to those who are just oddly curious!

We’ve been in Hesperia, CA since Monday and have found both work and play activities this week.  For Cathy, some of the “play” has also been work.  Take the truck ride in the Peterbilt from Pomona to Pixley and back to deliver grain.  It was an adventure for Cathy but all work for cousin Bryan who had to do the driving.  

Because L.A. traffic can be soooo much fun, we left at 1am and got home about 3pm, avoiding traffic jams (and scales…shhhh!)

While Cathy was away, Cathi got to know cousin Michelle’s bull dogs.  She helped exercise them and clean their pens with cousin Roanne.  We’re decided that bull dogs are really pigs in dog clothing.  They snort, snore, roll in the dirt…

Friday was a play day for both Cathies!  We drove up to Big Bear Lake and walked along a partially snow-covered path.  There were kids sledding and adults heading to the ski hill.  And the sun was shining and the car thermometer said 52 degrees.  Awesome!

Of course, we HAD to visit the nature center to look through the gift shop.  Since Cathy is affectionately called Smoky the Bear by her friends (as she drags the hose out to the fire pit in the summer at the end of a night), she picked up a Smoky shirt and badge.  Now, Cathy will really be decked out for fire tending.  

This morning we setup the Christmas tree with Uncle John.  With Cathi doing an expert job of fluffy the wired boughs, Cathy went off to find free wifi (at the library) and get her broken eyeglass arm soldered back on.

We’re aiming to get down to Santa Monica for a couple days.  It’s been recommended that we visit Venice Beach and Temescal Canyon. 

(The picture for today’s entry is of Big Bear Lake, taken with my camera phone. )

Snow in Arizona

Desert sands

Wow, has it really been a week since we last posted?  Time really does fly.

We’ve been in Hesperia, CA for a couple days now.  No internet access at the house so I brought my laptop to McDonalds.

Let’s see – we left you all hanging at Las Vegas, NM.  The hot tub was great.  Chatted with a nice couple who were on their way from Arizona to Denver, so we swapped road condition updates. 

The drive from Las Vegas, NM took us through Albuquerque, where we visited the Turquoise Museum and bought some souvenirs.  Got ourselves across the state line into Holbrook, AZ for the night.

A drive through more snow (in Arizona???) brought us to the Hoover Dam.  We did the basic tour into the dam and took lots of pictures of rocks and water.  Cathi dared Cathy to pinch a guy’s butt cheek…shhh, cant tell you what came next.

The drive from Hoover Dam to Las Vegas, NV went smooth.  We took up residence for Friday and Saturday, spending time walking the Strip, and hanging out with my high school friend Louye.  After all these years, the conversation was still easy. 

The hills of Death Valley called to us next.  Spent hours in the park so we spent the night in Barstow and finished our drive to my cousin’s on Monday.

Uh-oh… my time on the Mc-e-D network is running out.  Will have to share LA stories later.

Thanks again to everyone’s well wishes!